Coach's Coverage Week 2: Alto

 

 

 

COACH'S COVERAGE WEEK 2: ALTO

 disclaimer: the opinions expressed by the 1 interviewed are by the 1 interviewed. the coach may have completely different views dont cancel me

 

 

 

Dr. Alto H Chef: I'm Alto, though I also go by The Good Doctor, draltoady, or alternatively 'that guy who writes essays on the forums'. I'm currently subbing on WJQ308 Chinese Military Shovel.

COACH BUCKS: Ya eh. Will that sub position change soontimes?

A: probably not this season? I think marty's done a really solid job so far given his lack of experience on med, and I'm at a point in my tf2 career where my sense of self-worth isn't tied to how others view my skill level. 

do I think the match last week may have been a little different if the chef was playing? it's possible, but i'm not that concerned about second guessing their decision.

C: Of course of course. How are you doing today?

A: I'm doing good! I started a new job last week that's mandated I correct my degen sleep schedule into something more compatible with wagie hours, so I was very happy to not hear an alarm this morning.

C: Ya eh that's sick fam. How has your season been?

A: It's been good. I played spy in main last season (easy bronze btw), so it's good to get back to casting with zag and rogue each week since those are some of my favorite people in the community. We've been pretty blessed with some great matchups this season to cast (even though I had rogue tag in this monday since I was dead tired from starting work). Some seasons we get like 1 decent match all season, so having some tf2 to get excited about is a lot of fun. I also got to sub and play upward week as a change of pace.

C: Ah ah ah. Sayin you guys rolled on Upward eh?

A: But of course.

C: All right, now I wanna get down to it. What happened last Monday? You catch the coveted Dub or you fall straight into loser's bracket?

A: Was a really close game, but we caught an L. I thought the map picks went as well as they could've gone, and after splitting lakeside and vigil, we won the first upward half but weren't able to hang on. Exile's internet went completely AWOL in the middle of vigil so we had to bring jarrett in, and while he did great for coming in cold, I dont think the theam was ready for the difference in playstyle between him and exile. 3600 is a great team so there's a very real chance we still lose upward regardless, but it's giving us a lot to look forward to in the case that both matches this week go as they're expected to.

C: Hmm, interesting. Specifically, what do you think went well and what do you think went wrong?

A: You might get different answers if you talked to a main, but I think identifying vigil as a strong pick and then de-rusting it and getting our offense to the level it was during the match is something that went well. You could say something similar for upward as well, considering that week was the first week with zuchi heavy, marty was still on engi, and I was on med, so getting back to a level to make it competitive was also a small W in my book.

For things that went wrong, I think we were largely expecting to lose lakeside but it was definitely more brutal of a loss than was expected. Combo was more than a little desynched at times, fallen wasn't getting protected, and agb (I think it was agb, they were class-swapping with mad all night) was also committing war crimes on spy. Our upward defense tended to be an L too, since we were never able to get a good 2nd hold up and we lost a ton of momentum moving into 3rd. We repeatedly said to *not* corner hold and then we did so all 3 halves anyway...

C: That's tough. But how are you and your team feeling currently?

 

pictured: the coach's shooter fallen lord ready to lay down the law on sakura

 

 

A: Pretty confident! Yeye's had a really solid season and they had to show up big in a couple of matches to get into playoffs, but given our scrim history with them we're feeling good going into monday. Should we win, we think how close we played 3600 means that a potential rematch should be another nailbiter and that we've got a real chance to make it to grands if we're able to just not collapse and play to our potential.

C: Yeah eh. You guys gonna slap up team Yeye?

A: they better bro. i am announcing a public BEEF with sakura via coach's coverage. the week 7 cast had to be cancelled because dolphin was busy and RGL's entire casting department is dependent on a single marine animal, but I was going to do a solo cast so maven in the video department could make some content for the YT channel since yeye's match with somebody help needed to go 2-0 in their favor or else froggie would make it into playoffs, so it was still good content. 

but since it wasn't an official RGL cast team leaders weren't required to give us stv and sakura refused because she "didn't think RGL did a very good job casting" owtte. and idk what zoomer bullshit she's on but zag, rogue, and I are very fucking good at casting HL since it's the least caster-friendly game mode in the history of esports and I will not be disrespected like that. and if not me, for my boys in the booth with me. dolphin's also a camera god, so she's on that sour dimento pack i stg.

C: Say word. Maybe she has a point. Maybe it's time for Bowl of Mayo Studios to take back the Casting throne.

A: 

 

C: 😂😂😂

C: Have you guys decided on the map?

A: yeah. vigil, swift, ash. we were pretty confident in the vigil pick since we won on it last week, but we went back and forth on what to ban for quite some time. ultimately, we ended up banning steel because there's a ton of variance on that map that we just didn't want to deal with, on top of the fact that scrimming steel in playoffs is an absolute nightmare.

C: Ya eh. Why is scrimming steel a nightmare in playoffs?

A: new teams don't wanna scrim it because they're not ready for it, and teams tend to not try very hard on it if its not their map because most tf2 players have precious few brain cells and using them on a map they don't need to is inefficient, I guess. there's also the fact that hood was already soft trolling their reg season scrims regardless, so i doubt they'd be much more serious now. not that i'm throwing any shade on them for doing so, if you can soft troll and still win then all the more power to you. it's just not the same high quality practice we're looking for, which leaves only 3600 as a realistic practice partner.

C: Say word. I hate it when people troll in scrims. When the Brampton Warriors were active, we made sure to never scrim against anyone that would dare disrespect us by trolling & wasting our time.

A: 

 

A: I'm guessing you just expunged all the details on those coach bucks medic pugs, eh?

C: 0_0 Lol.... So who do you think are fearsome in your divison?

A: as far as our match with yeye goes, daf struck the fear of god into me back in s24 with the funny boots, so I can't take him lightly ever again. the Personal Computer is like some weird algorithm that just finds frags and kura is very good friends with the W key so i think they're all players to watch out for.

as far as hood goes, it's more of a question of who isn't fearsome, but I think a /lot/ of people underestimate how much big dick energy blake has on med. we've got a lot of similar theories when it comes to medic but i'm seen as a chaos factor/meme and he consistently gets on top teams, so it goes to show just how good he is.

Everyone on 3600 is McAss with a side of fries and I will not elaborate.

C: Okay okay. So why are you the Coach on this team?

A: I mentioned a few questions ago that most tf2 players have precious few brain cells, right? As I'm sure you can attest, coach is easily the most mentally taxing role on a team and I just happen to have the largest number of brain cells. Right person in the right place, you know?

C: Hm.. You do have a point. Many have told me that I am quite wise beyond my years.

 

pictured: the coach when his team catches a Dub

 

A: But of course. Actually, you know what? I retract my prior statement about 3600.

C: Say word...

A: Adam's alright. I can't do my 9AM combo brethren dirty like that.

C: Ah ah ah. Seeing as you have much experience leading your team, being the main caller and grand team leader of legendary ugc gold team dedoris highlander, how have you helped this team improve?

A: As everyone on DCMC s8 and Perma s9 can confirm, I'm on the cutting edge of tf2 map pick/ban theory. I also work as a trusted adviser and confidant for players on the team, silently combating the team-wide plague known as "anime mental."

C: Hmmm okay okay. If ultimately Marty shits the bed, will you forcefully step in and save the day?

A: Similar to Batman in the Batcave, I'm just waiting for the AltoSymbol to shined in the skies of Teufort for me to swoop to the rescue. I'll leave it up to you as for what the AltoSymbol will be.

C: All right, so last week I interviewed the Pyro on your team: Melon. Do you agree with what she said in her interview?

A: broadly? yeah. Specifically, though, I think she did a really poor job of conveying the greatness of the WJQ308 Chinese Military Shovel as a cutting-edge multi-purpose tool, and as such greatly undersold the People's Republic. 

I also think marty would absolutely blitz her in marbles. 😈😈

C: Okay okay, which moves me onto my next section here:

 

 

Now lets say you and your team have been put on this map. You have to surf successfully to the end  or face hitting splat on the ground. who would beat this surf map in 1 go and who would fail?

A: <-- It's not even a question, I'd be at the end before they even finished debating.

C: Okay okay. What about your team?

A: hmm... Blank would definitely be my second choice, as I learned playing zombies with him, that man is an absolute savant when it comes to the source engine so I have full faith he'd be able to get to the end no problem.

Soapy and marty too, by virtue of all their time on soldier, I don't think they'd have too much trouble with it.

exile, zuchi, and spamfest are my question marks, I guess. i don't think zuchi surfs with any regularity so if he came in cold he might beef it a little further on, but if he's surfed any time in the month beforehand I trust his general skills enough to get it. exile's pretty much in the same boat, i think? spamfest either slides off the first ramp because she's never surfed before and was holding W or sets a WR, no in between. 

i frankly don't know enough about evil to make a judgment here, since there's only 1 attempt and i don't think spy mains surf all that often, i'd probably bet against him but i wouldn't be surprised at all if he could

as for melon and fallen? 😭 it's been real.

C: Wow. That's fucked. So about your casting, You know, you guys are great and all but when am I gonna join the team? You know I'm nice.

A: mmmmmmm.....

C: Please respond.

A: I believe you've got enemies in high places.

C: Yo... They love to hate the boy. They don't wanna see me win.

A: I can try to put a good word in, but I'm just rank and file. A cog, if you will. They just wanna keep a good mann down.

C: Ya eh. Now, in terms of history you've been around HL for a long ass time. competitive tf2 is not only a game to see who's the best, but there is also a culture that many contribute to whether they like it or not. who do you think are the top 10 most iconic hl players?

A: hmmm... well, off the bat i think i have to go with max, stabby, and kresnik. 

98% of people reading this likely don't know him but vhalin needs some respect on his name despite being fairly average as a player, i think he probably contributed to the development of the HL meta more than any other individual with his massive cranium

C: Yo.. didn't he do something fucked up to a girl? 0_0

A: did he? i haven't heard anything about that

C: Well regardless I don't rate the guy cuz of that. [claim is unverified. do not flame me]

pictured: dK Karl

 

A: it's funny you bring that up, because in spite of his actions i can't imagine this list without karl on it either

C: Yo.. You got a point there still.

A: his dynasty was honestly unmatched, and while i definitely don't condone any of his actions, i don't think you can just blot out the man who's won like 20% of all HL seasons ever

C: Yeah. He also played in a hard era of Highlander too. Teams in Invite right now would probably get crushed playing during that era.

A: while we're continuing this trend of players up for redaction, I think i want to give a spot to the savages as a whole

C: Ah ah ah.

A: maybe it seemed that way because I was close to them but it legit felt like they were at the center of HL for one reason or another a period of time, and they were the first "new blood" that entered the top divs once the knd/dk era was established.

i think jacob gets a spot on the list.

C: I think it's just Invader. He has some sort of crazy charisma about him. A true original individual. Pellovley as well.

pictured: the silver savages logo, with key player Vanilla love aka Coach Poop

A: if i had to limit it to one person i would probably go with invader, but i think a lot of people just knew them as the savages without knowing the individuals, which is why i'm setting it as a group award. but yeah, jacob's been so fucking good at spy of all classes for so fucking long and it always feels like he's playing at least one level above everyone else.

so that's 7. it's hard to balance 'gameplay gods' vs 'community figures' since i'm not in touch with what a lot of the current players think about older players... i think i need to throw barycenter in there though, say what you will about max, he played in the unnerfed razorback era but i think bary was legitimately the best sniper we've ever seen in HL if he wasn't cheating

bfl satan as well. he was one of the closest things to a "household name" and he did it on pyro, of all classes

my ego's compelling me to say that you might have an argument for me at 10, between my time playing/casting/forumposting but that'd feel like a copout and probably isn't true, so let's go with sigafoo.

C: Damn, interesting... How come I'm not on that list?

A: I was limiting it to HL players, which is why some other names like b4niel and Mr. Dane aren't on the list. if we're talking all-time tf2 all-stars, I think the Coach would probably slot in somewhere between habib and robin walker.

C: Say word. Now I'd like to talk about one of your past legendary matches. Do you by any chance remember facing the KegaTeam on Upward?

A: How could I not? It was memorable for a number of reasons.

C: Hmm, interesting. What would you say was the deciding factor in your victory against the KegaTeam during that match?

A: Well, I don't want to toot my own horn here, but I feel I showed remarkable judgment and adaptability when KegaTeam namesake Kegaman attempted a high risk, high reward maneuver during the final round of play. Utilizing an expertly placed flank teleporter, Kegaman attempted to set up a KegaSpawnCamp while we were pushing 3rd. Lesser medics may have ran back to the safety of their team, but I sallied forth, vanquishing both him and his KegaGun.

C: Of course of course. Now I'm interested on why you named Kegaman being the deciding factor when really there was someone who dropped the ball even harder. I'll be blunt here: is there more to the story than what you're telling here?

A: As expected of the Coach, you've got a good eye for these things. Kegaman took a gamble and he failed; I don't think you can really criticize him too much for trying to secure the W. There may have been an... unseen observer who, to put it lightly, had a performance to regret. I didn't want to bring it up out of respect to him, but I suppose the Coach's hard-hitting journalism spares no mann...

shotaway? that guy is ASS.

C: Yes, it's astounding how shotaway manages to just completely throw the game even with game-winning players such as lenny, odb & kegaman on his team. To this day it's still my one regret picking him up on Fred over Theoretical Spy. But anyway, moving on. If you were the President of RGL, and you were allowed to grant one banned player a Pardon. Who would you pardon?

A: we talking perma'd players?

C: Anyone that is currently banned in RGL.

A: that's a tough one, RGL not having a banlist somewhere like UGC did makes it a lot harder. instead of pardoning someone, i might just decide to permaban shotaway. he's had it too good for too long.

C: Say word.

A: I've got a couple of ideas in regards to pardons but without seeing a complete banlist I couldn't say anyone with confidence.

C: All right moving on, so what do you like to do outside of TF2? Any hobbies? Interests?

A: tfw u realize your biggest personality traits are tf2 and anime in a coach's interview

 

 

A: Before I started my job this week I had an abundance of free time in my NEETdom so I've been reading an absolute ton of isekai LN/WNs since I needed long form content to sink my time into, and they're trash just like I am.

C: I read the SSS-class Suicide Hunter translation on woopread. And I'm gonna get around to reading that thing micahlele linked in coach's corner a long time ago.

A: I'm extremely passionate about media in general so it's not entirely fair to sum it up as just 'anime', but god this is depressing.

C: In terms of physical novels, I'm starting the Power of Now by Eckhart Tolle. I'm a big fan of books. Not sure what attracts me whenever I go to Indigo, pretty covers I guess.

A: I've got a copy of Dune that's been sitting my nightstand for like 2 years now than an old client gave me as a thank-you gift since its his favorite book and I've been meaning to get around to it but I feel like reading actual books is such a hassle because you need to worry about lighting, pages, posture etc. that really hurt to type, damn.

when I read i absolutely binge read and it's way easier for me to get comfy and bang out 6 hours of reading on my computer with an ebook than it is with a physical one.

C: Yeah I get that. I'm slow with reading stuff too, especially since my schedule in general is hectic with work and going to the gym and boxing and all that. Doesn't help that I'm a workaholic. Anyway, I got some pictures I'd like to show you and I want to know your thoughts.

A: Excellent. I've been waiting for this part.

 

 

 

 

 

A: I've got my response for this pre-prepared; I'm going to quote my good friends on this:

wvxx_: figures the team with the least amount of college degrees wins

wvxx_: and smallest gross income

SevenTF2: everyone on ff is on government assistance

C: 😂😂😂

 

A: Beyblades is absolute OG shit, I remember waking up early before school so I could watch it in the morning. I had a bunch of beyblades and the arenas, and I'll never forget the chaos I caused in the schoolyard (I made my mom bring the arena when she picked me up, ofc) when I showed up with a beyblade with an illegal weight disk in it I bought from some shady online toy site. That shit did to my friends' beyblades what hood did to yeye on product last week.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A: I mean, I made this image, so... it's tough, mann

C: Don't worry, there'll be a baddie for you one day. Anyway, before we conclude this interview, is there anything else you'd like to say?

A: Shoutouts to DOOR, to the markers/buttface/dave team for pulling the upset down in main, to dolphin being the best cameraman in tf2 history and making casting easy for us, and to the Coach for all the great content.

C: Ah ah ah